Books since the new year

Today is January 8th and I am almost done with my third book of the year.
Yes, you read that right. THIRD BOOK of the YEAR.

1.  Love Does by Bob Goff

For starters- the foreword? Holy cow. I normally skip forewords in books because they're just fluff... and sometimes confusing (like my Alice in Wonderland foreword. I was so confused by the time I got 3 pages into it, I had to skip), but this one is amazing. Maybe it's Donald Miller, but it is by far the best foreword I've ever read.  All I know about it is this: when I write a book one day - hey, it could happen! - I would hope someone could write something like this about me--- and it be TRUE! I guess that's the most important part.  I hope that something like this could be said of me. Even if only by one friend. 

For the most part, the entire book is personal stories of things that have happened in Bob's life- which are amazing, hilarious, engaging, and wonderful- and how he ties those things in to spirituality.  He paints pictures with words like few that I have ever read.  He also sees things in a way that I would love to.  He doesn't spend the whole book telling you how you need to go to church and pray more and be holier- I like that. 

Also, it appears that his favorite word might just be WHIMSY. 

Photo Credit Here
Yes. Whimsy. Go ahead, let that float off the page in 3D glitter letters made of clouds and feathers. 

Some of my favorite quotes:

"It has always seemed to me that broken things, just like broken people, get used more; it's probably because God has more pieces to work with." 

"You know what it is about someone that makes them a friend? A friend doesn't just say things; a friend does." 

"Words of encouragement are like that.  They have their own power.  And when they are said by the right people, they can change everything.  What I've found in following Jesus is that most of the time, when it comes to who says it, we each are the right people.  And I've concluded something else.  That the words people say to us not only have shelf life but have the ability to shape life." 

"For those who resonate with formulas, here it is: add your whole life, your loves, your passions, and your interests together with what God said He wants us to be about, and that's your answer. If you want to know the answer to the bigger question -- what's God's plan for the whole world? -- buckle up: it's us."

" People who take huge risks aren't afraid to fail.  In fact, they love to fail.  It's because failing means they found the edge."

"We need to make our faith our very own love story" 

"Pick something you aren't just able to do; instead, pick something you feel like you were made to do and then do lots of that." 

OK, so that's pretty much the whole book... Not really, but you get the idea. I literally have 4 pages of highlighted stuff in my kindle from this book because I want to be able to find it all again when I come upon a situation that needs these words.

Love this book. 

Read it.

Seriously.



2.  Then Just Stay Fat by Shannon Sorrels 

Yeah. That's the title. The book is as no-nonsense as one would expect. I liked that she didn't just say, "Work out more. Eat Less" (Although that was the majority of it...) but explained the chemical and mathematical sides of losing weight. I think that nerds would really enjoy this book... you know, like me.  Apparently, you're supposed to take in fewer calories than you use in order to lose weight... who knew? 

Favorite quotes from this book:

"Want is a relative term.  Wen someone says, "I eat what I want," they might "want" one slice of pizza or some steamed broccoli.  When I say, "eat what I want," I mean a whole pizza and a bag of M&Ms.  A lot of thin people probably do "eat what they want." They just don't want what I want."

"Action is where the finite constraints of time meet stated priorities.  We must act our way toward our goals.  We can't just keep talking about them."  

"...say, "No, thank you" when the temptations surround you.  If you mess up and give in, see the first bullet."  

From what I've read, this gluten free cookie brownie would probably be frowned upon.
Or at least the amount of it I ingested would be.

3.  Permanently Beat PCOS: The Complete Solution by Caroline D. Greene

There's really nothing exciting about this book. I would definitely only recommend it if you have PCOS and give a crap about this stuff.  Lots of info on vitamins to take, foods to eat, exercise to do, etc to improve "Fertility, Weight Loss and Clear Skin through Simple Diet, Exercise and Lifestyle Changes." 

So what next? I think 3 non-fictions in the first 2 weeks of the year earns me a fluffy fiction fantasy read, right?  I'm thinking about finally starting The Mortal Instruments series... City of Bones is up first! I've read 3 pages so far, but I have to finish Book #3 up there first. I don't like to make it 84% through something and give up! That's something of which Shannon Sorrels would totes disapprove. 

OK now for the good stuff!! 

PICTURES of the PUPPIES! 

Aren't they the cutest things? 

Carmen San Diego was sleepy yesterday. Welcome to Cuddle Town!

Tini thinks she's sexy. Haaay boys check out mah hurr cut!  I'm so dainty and lady like with my feets crossed! 

That's all I have for now

Have fun, kiddos!

♥ EM

Update schmupdate

So some 101 updates (For my 101 in 1001 list, please click here)

1. Go to the beach (we went to Daytona Beach before Disney)

11. Finish painting our bathroom (I paid someone... no worries!) And then we tiled the floor and did all the metal in brushed bronze. SO PRETTY

21. GO TO DISNEY WORLD. YES. CHECK

34. Eat no gluten for one month. Done it. It was boring, but I felt good :)

46. Donate old shoes (and I donated 29 teeshirts, 3 hoodies, 6 pairs of pants, 3 dresses, and a few other things.)

80. Buy bright colored shoes. I bought cobalt blue shoes and wore them to D's Christmas party... did I take them back swiftly after? Yes. They were the most terribly uncomfortable shoes and I only wore them for 20 minutes while at the party. Horrible. But beautiful! Still counting it!

91. Host a game night- this also happened to be NYE. We played Apples to Apples and Mario Cart and Just Dance


TAADAAAAAA!
Oh, and we'll be doing #39 on March 6th. WHAT is UP!

♥ EM

Thankful for the fog

  Do you ever have one of those days where you just don't know how you feel? Honestly, the past few days if people have asked me how I am doing, I haven't had a clue how to respond. I want to say, "Great! How are you?!" But that's a lie. I think, "I should tell them how I'm really doing, not great. Not excited. All I want to do is lay in bed and watch sad movies."  I want to be honest... waah wahhhh Debbie Downer.  But the truth is, I have no idea.  Apparently there are these things called hormones, and I hear they've got a strong hold on me. I can go from happy and fine to upset and angry and sad and anything else at the drop of a hat. One word in conversation sends my brain from candycanes and snowflakes to wanting to put on my comfy pants and lay back on the couch while giving everyone the finger.  Happy news shared by others just reminds me of the happy news we were planning on sharing yesterday.
You see, the plan was to make a really cute pregnancy announcement and stuff it in christmas cards that all of D's family would open at Christmas together and they would all be excited. Instead they each got nothing.  I guess I could have still sent them all cards, but I didn't.

I have a lot of stories like that recently. "We could have done this, but we didn't." "I thought about doing that, but I didn't." I'm really good at telling stories.

I just feel like I'm walking through a thick fog. It's not sunny, it's not rainy, it's not pretty, it's not ugly. It's just blah.  I keep thinking, "All I need is a good cry, that'll help." But it's like I've run out of tears and not been able to rebuild my supply.  I guess this is one of those in-between stages where progress is being made? Yeah?  Anywho, I think I'll go over some more things for which I am thankful, since I can't come up with anything else uplifting to write...

At first, I was really upset with my (former) doctor because he did an u/s at 5.5 weeks. YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING at 5.5 weeks. Just a couple of bubbles. At this time, he saw the 2 sacs, 1 with 1 and 1 with 2.  I was furious because of the unnecessary stress this potentially put on the two of us. Most Drs won't U/S until at least 7 weeks, but he just "likes to".  And told me over and over that it could end up just being 1 or 2 by week 7-8, and I was mad because I could have been perfectly NOT KNOWING that I potentially lost a baby. Not an embryo. Not a yolk sac, I'm sorry if you disagree, but It's a baby. However, looking back, I still am furious at him for his lack of compassion and understanding, but I am incredibly thankful now that I knew each of them. Yes, I had a few weeks of straight up FREAKING OUT about "how are we going to afford three babies? How will we feed them?! How will we cart them around?! We're going to have to BUY A VAN! How will they fit in our house?! What will we do with the dogs?" But more than that, I had a few weeks of knowing three different babies were there. I was able to lay around and talk to them (even though their ears were still developing) and pray for them each individually.  I think it might have been easier to think that I just lost 1 (right? Surely? No? Who knows), but I am glad to have known them all individually.

I'm thankful for people who don't know what to say.  Some people have provided comic relief by saying such outlandish and inappropriate things that the only thing I could do was store them in my bank and laugh to keep from crying (or assaulting them...?) and others have just been honest and told me they have no idea what to say. That's fine. There is nothing to say. Nothing makes it better or takes it away. However, I think my favorite so far is that they just obviously weren't ready for such awesome parents. Because let me tell you, that is the truth. Awesome parents we shall be.  Clueless and lost and sleep deprived and crazy out of our minds in love with the baby(ies) we are meant to have.

I'm thankful for this foggy funkiness that's going on. The pain is no longer so sharp and fresh. It has turned into a dull nagging pain I know "it gets better" and all, and I guess I assumed that I would be sad one day and perfectly fine the next. Apparently I thought I was tougher than this, that I could handle this and it wouldn't affect me as much as it appears to have affected other people I have seen go through this.   Y'all, I was wrong. But I know that it gets better and I think sometimes it's ok to be foggy.

And you know what I think about fog?  Yes, fog can be dangerous. No one wants to drive in fog, people don't want to get stuck out in it, all that. But when I think about fog, I think about spring/fall morning fog.  You wake up, it's foggy, it's nasty, you can't see the other side, but then it slowly lifts.  It goes from thick muck nasty fog to a light, fluffy fog, and eventually the sun comes in and burns it all up. Some of the prettiest days I can remember have started out super crazy foggy.  All you can do on those days is sit and wait for the sun to come and the fog to lift.

That's what I'll be doing.


Well, that and packing up all the Christmas stuff and vacuuming the pine needles and sorting through presents/putting them away and putting away everything christmassy... because I'm off today and I am tired of the mess in this house.

And then I'm going to take a nap.

♥ Em

Some things

I don't really know what to say today.
Most people don't have a clue what's going on, and that's ok. You'll get it by the end of this post.
Yesterday was a really hard, sad, terrible day.  I know that a lot of people were upset about the shooting in CT and that was a terrible display of mental illness and the evils in our world.
I heard about this news while sitting in pre-admissions testing at the hospital.  It wasn't a scheduled procedure, nor was it any type of procedure I had ever planned on having.

The last 6 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and the past 36-48 hours have been the hardest seconds, minutes, and hours of my life. I don't have words to express the 1093872 thoughts and feelings that I have been through, but what I can say is that I am thankful for the people who have been involved.

On Monday, 11/19 we found out that I was pregnant.

On Tuesday, 11/27 we went from thinking I was just pregnant to thinking I may be pregnant with twins... and then potentially 3. The ultrasound tech found 2 sacks, 1 with 2 poles and the other with just 1. "Spontaneous triplets are extremely uncommon and very high risk; One or two of them might just disappear" is what the doctor said... Over and over and over. "Nature will take care of itself. Your body probably won't keep them all."  Thanks, doc. Comforting and compassionate.

On Thursday, 12/6, we went for another ultrasound. This time the tech only found 2 sacks with 1 in each. Baby A was bigger than Baby B and that was "ok" but possibly meant that B had stopped developing.  The U/S tech said, "Well, I can't find C, and it looks like A is taking over. You will probably only have 1 baby." She then laughed like Count Chocula and I almost punched her. Come to think of it, I should have. It would have been warranted. That was the least compassionate thing I had heard that day. (So far) She then found a heartbeat on both, but the only one that was notable was Baby A's. So they didn't report Baby B's. We went to see the Dr. and he said, "It looks like what I expected. Your situation is kind of goofy (Technical term. Thanks) and strange. I think you'll probably just end up having the second baby disappear and have this one develop. But we'll see. Nature takes care of itself and has a way of making sure what needs to happen will happen."

On Thursday, 12/13, we went back for another ultrasound. I woke up that morning feeling empty and full of dread. I just thought I was because I had so much work to get done and was so anxious for my appt. I asked for a different ultrasound tech as I might assault the one from last week. I was given a super sweet, super soft spoken and gentle lady. She was very nice and didn't say much, especially once she got started.  She clicked and looked and clicked and looked, but stayed silent.  We were then sent into the lobby to wait and see my Dr again once he got the results.  You ready for this? They brought us back into a room and he waltzes in with a smile on his face asking, "Well how are we today?" My response was that I felt a little nervous because the U/S tech was so silent during the exam. He flips my paper over and says, "That's probably because she couldn't find any heartbeats. Let me go look at this report real quick." And walks out the door, shutting it behind him.  Leaving D & I sitting there silently staring at the wall. The reason the U/S tech was so silent was because of this-  Baby B was almost unfindable, had not grown, and Baby A had not grown much at all since the last U/S. Baby A's faint little heartbeat was also nowhere to be found.  Our babies had stopped developing and my body just hadn't figured it out yet.  After 10 minutes of my Dr. stammering things about "nature" and "it is what it is" and "This is a miscarriage, you just haven't started showing symptoms yet" and "I can do a D&C in 10 minutes, it no big deal" and "we have to do a procedure to get the tissue out" and "Let's schedule it for tomorrow" and we asked if there could be another U/S just incase she maybe missed something, "My techs don't miss anything like this. It is what it is." and "People who can't have babies are the people who can't get pregnant. Clearly you can get pregnant, so we'll have better luck next time."

I have now realized why memorizing scripture is so important.  Thursday night, laying in bed in between sobs, pieces and parts of scripture that I had memorized when I was younger kept popping up in my head. Unfortunately, several of those also were made into one mildly terrible song or another. (please don't think I hate worship music. I just don't like it when it's a song I don't like and it won't leave my head. Not helpful. Then I just get annoyed. Also, in 8th grade we learned how to sing this song and sign it at the same time... and that repetitive verse with the hand motions will not leave my stupid head.) Psalm 50:3 "Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Over and over and over in my head and then the song from church camp over and over.  I have read this Psalm 60 times since Thursday. I see that verses 11 & 12 say, "You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever."  I am not good at being sad. I don't do well being feelings-y. I don't mourn well. It's ugly. But I know that one day our morning will come. And one day I will be able to feel normal(ish) again. One day I'll be able to make it 10 minutes without feeling my heart break over the loss of these babies.  I also have had Romans 8:28 replaying in my head over and over “And we know that God works all things together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose”. 

Some things for which I am thankful right now:

I am thankful that my (soon to be former) doctor is apparently heartless and only able to deliver facts. Had be had a compassionate bone in his body, he would have said something like "I'm sorry" or "I know this isn't what you had hoped for" and I would have begun sobbing uncontrollably in the room there, instead of using the intense rage (at his inability to be human and understand that these were our babies, not just "tissue to be removed") building up inside me to keep my composure.

I am thankful that my husband is able to sit here and hold me while I cry uncontrollably at commercials and news stories and groupons and cars driving by and flowers that are wilting and burnt gluten free french toast and not fully whipped- whipped cream.

I am thankful that my mom took the day off to go with us to the hospital... and that she knew the crazy nurse I had and we got to sit in the room and laugh on the hardest day I have had in my 26.72 years.

I am thankful for every single person I came across in the hospital yesterday. All compassionate, but not babying me. Thank you.

The nurses that were assigned to room 14- Kitty & Dee. Both crazy. I love them. One day I'll write them a thank you note when I can do that without covering the whole stupid page in tears.  They were compassionate and caring, while being just silly enough to make me feel comfortable and take my mind off of what I was there to do.

I am thankful for friends who have been there before me... and I am horribly sad that anyone else has ever had to go through this. My heart breaks for each of my friends that have been through this. But I am thankful for their wisdom and their ability to tell me that it gets better. And that I'm not crazy. And that it's ok to feel my feelings.

I am thankful for my friends who have no idea what to say. "This sucks" and "I'm sorry" are about the only things that are ok. I know that it is all well intentioned and said with love, but not all things are helpful. Thank you for not calling me crazy when I say something inappropriate. I have lost the ability to interact with other humans in a normal way. That will come back. There really isn't anything good to say, but I appreciate the attempts. And I know that when people say, "It was for the best." and "It was all part of God's plan" that it is because they don't know what else to say, even though those things make me want to kind of stab them in the eyeballs with rusty olive forks.


So there you have it.
If you see me and I look like I haven't bathed in days, this may be true. If I look depressed and crazy, this may also be true. If you're pregnant and I'm giving you a hateful death stare, please ignore. It's not you, it's me.

This post has been everywhere and probably makes no sense, but I have felt for 2 days like I needed to write down my feelings. So there they are. Just feeling a little crushed right now.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

EM

I'm moving to Disney...

And living under a bridge until I can talk someone into giving me a job in that wonderful place!!

SO here are some updates from Disney... but mostly pictures. I narrowed it down.

A lot.

I literally doubled my number of pictures on my iPhone that week.

  

At this point, I had spent the last hour counting down the miles.  "ONLY 11 MORE UNTIL OUR HOTEL!!!" and I almost peed my pants. He was excited, too. 

  

I was concerned when we first saw this, as I thought the first thing we would see was the castle... But we did walk around this and I almost cried. There was sunscreen in my eyes. Get off my back! 

These are some of the characters we met. We met several more, but these were the pictures that weren't blurry on my phone. I was SO excited to meet Belle! And of course Mickey and Minnie. All the characters wished us happy anniversary (we went as an anniversary present to one another) and they were all excited it was our 4th year, as they all only have 4 fingers. OMG I would PAY to get to do their job!

D made a friend of his own. He is just a big figure, not actually a person.This was outside somewhere in Downtown Disney. Where they let you WALK AROUND WITH BEER! NO WONDER this is the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!

Us in front of the big Mickey magic hat in Hollywood Studios. To answer your questions: 

Rockin RollerCoaster: 3-4 times

Tower of Terror: 1 time. I almost died. 

Fireworks at Epcot!

Us Kissing... Just kiddin, that's from Beauty & the Beast! OH MY WORD IT WAS AMAZING! I wish I knew how to post videos on here!

Simba says hello from Festival of the Lion King

Mickey at the Parade in Animal Kingdom

Minnie at the Animal Kingdom Parade

Everest! We rode it at least 4 times. It would have only been better if it flipped! 

This guy says, "Take my picture, lady." He was taking cues from Tyra- see his Smize? Smeyes? I don't know how she spells that. Fail. 

Us just before Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party 

(SO WORTH IT if you're wondering)

My new home. 

These indicated a place at which you could Trick or Treat. Yeah, we trick or treated on 9/21. What?

Pooh & Crew at the Boo to You Parade

AAAAAANNNNNND My life is complete. 

OH my heavens. Best place ever. Best trip ever. Best vacation EVER. 

But I was so ready to come home and sleep in my own bed. 

And I needed another vacation in order to rest-up to return to work.  

This past week was hellacious only because my brain and body were not ready to be back on that schedule and handling issues with clients. 

I think I got so in touch with my inner-child that I was a little shocked when I returned to work. It was the longest week of my life. haha But I missed my work friends terribly while I was gone.  I guess they're all going to have to just move to Orlando with me! Let's GO! 

Also, there is a child welfare center about 1 mile from the beach where we stayed in Daytona.  We could move there and take it over, and work part time at Disney on the weekends... That's my plan. 

So let me tell you about a few ways Disney gets it right. 

1. All workers are called "Cast Members" 

  Are you kidding me?!!? I would expect that of the people who dress up, but the fact that they call everyone that and not employees  or  STAFF  just makes me feel all warm inside. It makes me think that everyone feels like a very important part of the cast. I love that.

2. Buttons!

    Yes. Buttons. You get a button if you're visiting for a reason! Happy Birthday buttons, Happy Anniversary buttons, First Time buttons, Happily Ever After buttons... IT IS AMAZING! And everyone wishes you happy anniversary/bday/first time when you see them. That is AWESOME! 

3. Buses

   The buses take you everywhere. If you stay on the resort you park your car when you arrive and never drive it again until you leave.  This is awesome because you don't have to know where anything is, figure out how to get to something, drive yourself back to the hotel after too many beers (because there is beer everywhere except Magic Kingdom), etc. 

4.  Rooms! 

  OK our room wasn't that nice, but do you know what was?! The Mickey Mouse shaped towel thing and the Swans making a heart and the Wedding Cake Towel tier thing and the bunny and other thing in the window sill that were fashioned by the staff. Awesome. 

5.  Key cards- 

   Everything attached to your room key. Your Ticket to the World.  No need to take anything else with you into the park. AND you can buy stuff in the shops and have it SENT TO YOUR ROOM! WHAT?! YeS! 

6. Free Meal Plan. 

   Yeah. Read that again. 

FREE. MEAL. PLAN.  We got a free meal plan- some promotion they were doing. And THANK the LORD we did, or we would have spent $35-45 each meal on food. Holy cow. So thankful.  

7.  Lines for rides

   We went during a dead period, so there weren't really lines for anything.  30 minutes for Soarin' was the longest we waited.  WHILE in LINE, there are things To DO! ARE you KIDDING ME?! Games to play. Things to read. Screens to watch to give instruction. It makes it feel like you aren't in LINE at ALL! 

That's all I can do right now. I have to work tomorrow and my hands are going to sleep. 

YAY for Carpal Tunnel. Because I'm 26 going on 90. 

SO if I go missing, please know I have probably ended up in Orlando. Panhandling. Begging for a job cleaning up trash in the Magic Kingom.  

That's where I'll be. Because even the crappiest job there is still probably one of the happiest things a person can do. I don't know that it's possible to be sad inside a place that is filled with so much joy. 

Yay! 

EM

 

For real, though.

Transitions are hard, y'all. 

I ain't even kiddin'.

I don't normally talk like a hillbilly, btw... I just sometimes think it's funny.  Don't yawl thank so tooo?

Coping Mechanisms.

Sometimes when I have a crap day or something makes me irritated/mad/want to cry/want to throw things/want to scream down the hall/unhappy, I get on Pinterest and pin all the funny things.
This is my work-appropriate coping mechanism.

Occasionally it turns into me guffawing in my office while my coworkers walk by and stare.

Jealous?

So, if you ever see me pinning all the funnies, be warned.
Or call me and help laugh super hard