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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Thankful for the fog

  Do you ever have one of those days where you just don't know how you feel? Honestly, the past few days if people have asked me how I am doing, I haven't had a clue how to respond. I want to say, "Great! How are you?!" But that's a lie. I think, "I should tell them how I'm really doing, not great. Not excited. All I want to do is lay in bed and watch sad movies."  I want to be honest... waah wahhhh Debbie Downer.  But the truth is, I have no idea.  Apparently there are these things called hormones, and I hear they've got a strong hold on me. I can go from happy and fine to upset and angry and sad and anything else at the drop of a hat. One word in conversation sends my brain from candycanes and snowflakes to wanting to put on my comfy pants and lay back on the couch while giving everyone the finger.  Happy news shared by others just reminds me of the happy news we were planning on sharing yesterday.
You see, the plan was to make a really cute pregnancy announcement and stuff it in christmas cards that all of D's family would open at Christmas together and they would all be excited. Instead they each got nothing.  I guess I could have still sent them all cards, but I didn't.

I have a lot of stories like that recently. "We could have done this, but we didn't." "I thought about doing that, but I didn't." I'm really good at telling stories.

I just feel like I'm walking through a thick fog. It's not sunny, it's not rainy, it's not pretty, it's not ugly. It's just blah.  I keep thinking, "All I need is a good cry, that'll help." But it's like I've run out of tears and not been able to rebuild my supply.  I guess this is one of those in-between stages where progress is being made? Yeah?  Anywho, I think I'll go over some more things for which I am thankful, since I can't come up with anything else uplifting to write...

At first, I was really upset with my (former) doctor because he did an u/s at 5.5 weeks. YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING at 5.5 weeks. Just a couple of bubbles. At this time, he saw the 2 sacs, 1 with 1 and 1 with 2.  I was furious because of the unnecessary stress this potentially put on the two of us. Most Drs won't U/S until at least 7 weeks, but he just "likes to".  And told me over and over that it could end up just being 1 or 2 by week 7-8, and I was mad because I could have been perfectly NOT KNOWING that I potentially lost a baby. Not an embryo. Not a yolk sac, I'm sorry if you disagree, but It's a baby. However, looking back, I still am furious at him for his lack of compassion and understanding, but I am incredibly thankful now that I knew each of them. Yes, I had a few weeks of straight up FREAKING OUT about "how are we going to afford three babies? How will we feed them?! How will we cart them around?! We're going to have to BUY A VAN! How will they fit in our house?! What will we do with the dogs?" But more than that, I had a few weeks of knowing three different babies were there. I was able to lay around and talk to them (even though their ears were still developing) and pray for them each individually.  I think it might have been easier to think that I just lost 1 (right? Surely? No? Who knows), but I am glad to have known them all individually.

I'm thankful for people who don't know what to say.  Some people have provided comic relief by saying such outlandish and inappropriate things that the only thing I could do was store them in my bank and laugh to keep from crying (or assaulting them...?) and others have just been honest and told me they have no idea what to say. That's fine. There is nothing to say. Nothing makes it better or takes it away. However, I think my favorite so far is that they just obviously weren't ready for such awesome parents. Because let me tell you, that is the truth. Awesome parents we shall be.  Clueless and lost and sleep deprived and crazy out of our minds in love with the baby(ies) we are meant to have.

I'm thankful for this foggy funkiness that's going on. The pain is no longer so sharp and fresh. It has turned into a dull nagging pain I know "it gets better" and all, and I guess I assumed that I would be sad one day and perfectly fine the next. Apparently I thought I was tougher than this, that I could handle this and it wouldn't affect me as much as it appears to have affected other people I have seen go through this.   Y'all, I was wrong. But I know that it gets better and I think sometimes it's ok to be foggy.

And you know what I think about fog?  Yes, fog can be dangerous. No one wants to drive in fog, people don't want to get stuck out in it, all that. But when I think about fog, I think about spring/fall morning fog.  You wake up, it's foggy, it's nasty, you can't see the other side, but then it slowly lifts.  It goes from thick muck nasty fog to a light, fluffy fog, and eventually the sun comes in and burns it all up. Some of the prettiest days I can remember have started out super crazy foggy.  All you can do on those days is sit and wait for the sun to come and the fog to lift.

That's what I'll be doing.

Well, that and packing up all the Christmas stuff and vacuuming the pine needles and sorting through presents/putting them away and putting away everything christmassy... because I'm off today and I am tired of the mess in this house.

And then I'm going to take a nap.

♥ Em

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Some things

I don't really know what to say today.
Most people don't have a clue what's going on, and that's ok. You'll get it by the end of this post.
Yesterday was a really hard, sad, terrible day.  I know that a lot of people were upset about the shooting in CT and that was a terrible display of mental illness and the evils in our world.
I heard about this news while sitting in pre-admissions testing at the hospital.  It wasn't a scheduled procedure, nor was it any type of procedure I had ever planned on having.

The last 6 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and the past 36-48 hours have been the hardest seconds, minutes, and hours of my life. I don't have words to express the 1093872 thoughts and feelings that I have been through, but what I can say is that I am thankful for the people who have been involved.

On Monday, 11/19 we found out that I was pregnant.

On Tuesday, 11/27 we went from thinking I was just pregnant to thinking I may be pregnant with twins... and then potentially 3. The ultrasound tech found 2 sacks, 1 with 2 poles and the other with just 1. "Spontaneous triplets are extremely uncommon and very high risk; One or two of them might just disappear" is what the doctor said... Over and over and over. "Nature will take care of itself. Your body probably won't keep them all."  Thanks, doc. Comforting and compassionate.

On Thursday, 12/6, we went for another ultrasound. This time the tech only found 2 sacks with 1 in each. Baby A was bigger than Baby B and that was "ok" but possibly meant that B had stopped developing.  The U/S tech said, "Well, I can't find C, and it looks like A is taking over. You will probably only have 1 baby." She then laughed like Count Chocula and I almost punched her. Come to think of it, I should have. It would have been warranted. That was the least compassionate thing I had heard that day. (So far) She then found a heartbeat on both, but the only one that was notable was Baby A's. So they didn't report Baby B's. We went to see the Dr. and he said, "It looks like what I expected. Your situation is kind of goofy (Technical term. Thanks) and strange. I think you'll probably just end up having the second baby disappear and have this one develop. But we'll see. Nature takes care of itself and has a way of making sure what needs to happen will happen."

On Thursday, 12/13, we went back for another ultrasound. I woke up that morning feeling empty and full of dread. I just thought I was because I had so much work to get done and was so anxious for my appt. I asked for a different ultrasound tech as I might assault the one from last week. I was given a super sweet, super soft spoken and gentle lady. She was very nice and didn't say much, especially once she got started.  She clicked and looked and clicked and looked, but stayed silent.  We were then sent into the lobby to wait and see my Dr again once he got the results.  You ready for this? They brought us back into a room and he waltzes in with a smile on his face asking, "Well how are we today?" My response was that I felt a little nervous because the U/S tech was so silent during the exam. He flips my paper over and says, "That's probably because she couldn't find any heartbeats. Let me go look at this report real quick." And walks out the door, shutting it behind him.  Leaving D & I sitting there silently staring at the wall. The reason the U/S tech was so silent was because of this-  Baby B was almost unfindable, had not grown, and Baby A had not grown much at all since the last U/S. Baby A's faint little heartbeat was also nowhere to be found.  Our babies had stopped developing and my body just hadn't figured it out yet.  After 10 minutes of my Dr. stammering things about "nature" and "it is what it is" and "This is a miscarriage, you just haven't started showing symptoms yet" and "I can do a D&C in 10 minutes, it no big deal" and "we have to do a procedure to get the tissue out" and "Let's schedule it for tomorrow" and we asked if there could be another U/S just incase she maybe missed something, "My techs don't miss anything like this. It is what it is." and "People who can't have babies are the people who can't get pregnant. Clearly you can get pregnant, so we'll have better luck next time."

I have now realized why memorizing scripture is so important.  Thursday night, laying in bed in between sobs, pieces and parts of scripture that I had memorized when I was younger kept popping up in my head. Unfortunately, several of those also were made into one mildly terrible song or another. (please don't think I hate worship music. I just don't like it when it's a song I don't like and it won't leave my head. Not helpful. Then I just get annoyed. Also, in 8th grade we learned how to sing this song and sign it at the same time... and that repetitive verse with the hand motions will not leave my stupid head.) Psalm 50:3 "Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Over and over and over in my head and then the song from church camp over and over.  I have read this Psalm 60 times since Thursday. I see that verses 11 & 12 say, "You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever."  I am not good at being sad. I don't do well being feelings-y. I don't mourn well. It's ugly. But I know that one day our morning will come. And one day I will be able to feel normal(ish) again. One day I'll be able to make it 10 minutes without feeling my heart break over the loss of these babies.  I also have had Romans 8:28 replaying in my head over and over “And we know that God works all things together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose”

Some things for which I am thankful right now:

I am thankful that my (soon to be former) doctor is apparently heartless and only able to deliver facts. Had be had a compassionate bone in his body, he would have said something like "I'm sorry" or "I know this isn't what you had hoped for" and I would have begun sobbing uncontrollably in the room there, instead of using the intense rage (at his inability to be human and understand that these were our babies, not just "tissue to be removed") building up inside me to keep my composure.

I am thankful that my husband is able to sit here and hold me while I cry uncontrollably at commercials and news stories and groupons and cars driving by and flowers that are wilting and burnt gluten free french toast and not fully whipped- whipped cream.

I am thankful that my mom took the day off to go with us to the hospital... and that she knew the crazy nurse I had and we got to sit in the room and laugh on the hardest day I have had in my 26.72 years.

I am thankful for every single person I came across in the hospital yesterday. All compassionate, but not babying me. Thank you.

The nurses that were assigned to room 14- Kitty & Dee. Both crazy. I love them. One day I'll write them a thank you note when I can do that without covering the whole stupid page in tears.  They were compassionate and caring, while being just silly enough to make me feel comfortable and take my mind off of what I was there to do.

I am thankful for friends who have been there before me... and I am horribly sad that anyone else has ever had to go through this. My heart breaks for each of my friends that have been through this. But I am thankful for their wisdom and their ability to tell me that it gets better. And that I'm not crazy. And that it's ok to feel my feelings.

I am thankful for my friends who have no idea what to say. "This sucks" and "I'm sorry" are about the only things that are ok. I know that it is all well intentioned and said with love, but not all things are helpful. Thank you for not calling me crazy when I say something inappropriate. I have lost the ability to interact with other humans in a normal way. That will come back. There really isn't anything good to say, but I appreciate the attempts. And I know that when people say, "It was for the best." and "It was all part of God's plan" that it is because they don't know what else to say, even though those things make me want to kind of stab them in the eyeballs with rusty olive forks.

So there you have it.
If you see me and I look like I haven't bathed in days, this may be true. If I look depressed and crazy, this may also be true. If you're pregnant and I'm giving you a hateful death stare, please ignore. It's not you, it's me.

This post has been everywhere and probably makes no sense, but I have felt for 2 days like I needed to write down my feelings. So there they are. Just feeling a little crushed right now.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18


Sunday, September 30, 2012

I'm moving to Disney...

And living under a bridge until I can talk someone into giving me a job in that wonderful place!!

SO here are some updates from Disney... but mostly pictures. I narrowed it down.

A lot.

I literally doubled my number of pictures on my iPhone that week.

At this point, I had spent the last hour counting down the miles.  "ONLY 11 MORE UNTIL OUR HOTEL!!!" and I almost peed my pants. He was excited, too. 

I was concerned when we first saw this, as I thought the first thing we would see was the castle... But we did walk around this and I almost cried. There was sunscreen in my eyes. Get off my back! 

These are some of the characters we met. We met several more, but these were the pictures that weren't blurry on my phone. I was SO excited to meet Belle! And of course Mickey and Minnie. All the characters wished us happy anniversary (we went as an anniversary present to one another) and they were all excited it was our 4th year, as they all only have 4 fingers. OMG I would PAY to get to do their job!

D made a friend of his own. He is just a big figure, not actually a person.This was outside somewhere in Downtown Disney. Where they let you WALK AROUND WITH BEER! NO WONDER this is the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!

Us in front of the big Mickey magic hat in Hollywood Studios. To answer your questions: 
Rockin RollerCoaster: 3-4 times
Tower of Terror: 1 time. I almost died. 

Fireworks at Epcot!

Us Kissing... Just kiddin, that's from Beauty & the Beast! OH MY WORD IT WAS AMAZING! I wish I knew how to post videos on here!

Simba says hello from Festival of the Lion King

Mickey at the Parade in Animal Kingdom

Minnie at the Animal Kingdom Parade

Everest! We rode it at least 4 times. It would have only been better if it flipped! 

This guy says, "Take my picture, lady." He was taking cues from Tyra- see his Smize? Smeyes? I don't know how she spells that. Fail. 

Us just before Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party 
(SO WORTH IT if you're wondering)

My new home. 

These indicated a place at which you could Trick or Treat. Yeah, we trick or treated on 9/21. What?

Pooh & Crew at the Boo to You Parade

AAAAAANNNNNND My life is complete. 
OH my heavens. Best place ever. Best trip ever. Best vacation EVER. 

But I was so ready to come home and sleep in my own bed. 
And I needed another vacation in order to rest-up to return to work.  

This past week was hellacious only because my brain and body were not ready to be back on that schedule and handling issues with clients. 
I think I got so in touch with my inner-child that I was a little shocked when I returned to work. It was the longest week of my life. haha But I missed my work friends terribly while I was gone.  I guess they're all going to have to just move to Orlando with me! Let's GO! 
Also, there is a child welfare center about 1 mile from the beach where we stayed in Daytona.  We could move there and take it over, and work part time at Disney on the weekends... That's my plan. 

So let me tell you about a few ways Disney gets it right. 

1. All workers are called "Cast Members" 
  Are you kidding me?!!? I would expect that of the people who dress up, but the fact that they call everyone that and not employees  or  STAFF  just makes me feel all warm inside. It makes me think that everyone feels like a very important part of the cast. I love that.

2. Buttons!
    Yes. Buttons. You get a button if you're visiting for a reason! Happy Birthday buttons, Happy Anniversary buttons, First Time buttons, Happily Ever After buttons... IT IS AMAZING! And everyone wishes you happy anniversary/bday/first time when you see them. That is AWESOME! 

3. Buses
   The buses take you everywhere. If you stay on the resort you park your car when you arrive and never drive it again until you leave.  This is awesome because you don't have to know where anything is, figure out how to get to something, drive yourself back to the hotel after too many beers (because there is beer everywhere except Magic Kingdom), etc. 

4.  Rooms! 
  OK our room wasn't that nice, but do you know what was?! The Mickey Mouse shaped towel thing and the Swans making a heart and the Wedding Cake Towel tier thing and the bunny and other thing in the window sill that were fashioned by the staff. Awesome. 

5.  Key cards- 
   Everything attached to your room key. Your Ticket to the World.  No need to take anything else with you into the park. AND you can buy stuff in the shops and have it SENT TO YOUR ROOM! WHAT?! YeS! 

6. Free Meal Plan. 
   Yeah. Read that again. 
FREE. MEAL. PLAN.  We got a free meal plan- some promotion they were doing. And THANK the LORD we did, or we would have spent $35-45 each meal on food. Holy cow. So thankful.  

7.  Lines for rides
   We went during a dead period, so there weren't really lines for anything.  30 minutes for Soarin' was the longest we waited.  WHILE in LINE, there are things To DO! ARE you KIDDING ME?! Games to play. Things to read. Screens to watch to give instruction. It makes it feel like you aren't in LINE at ALL! 

That's all I can do right now. I have to work tomorrow and my hands are going to sleep. 
YAY for Carpal Tunnel. Because I'm 26 going on 90. 

SO if I go missing, please know I have probably ended up in Orlando. Panhandling. Begging for a job cleaning up trash in the Magic Kingom.  
That's where I'll be. Because even the crappiest job there is still probably one of the happiest things a person can do. I don't know that it's possible to be sad inside a place that is filled with so much joy. 


Thursday, August 23, 2012

For real, though.

Transitions are hard, y'all. 
I ain't even kiddin'.

I don't normally talk like a hillbilly, btw... I just sometimes think it's funny.  Don't yawl thank so tooo?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Coping Mechanisms.

Sometimes when I have a crap day or something makes me irritated/mad/want to cry/want to throw things/want to scream down the hall/unhappy, I get on Pinterest and pin all the funny things.
This is my work-appropriate coping mechanism.

Occasionally it turns into me guffawing in my office while my coworkers walk by and stare.


So, if you ever see me pinning all the funnies, be warned.
Or call me and help laugh super hard

2 things

2 positive things about today:

1. Today I got a new awesomely sweet client and I am so excited about working with her!

2. We leave for Disney in 24 days!!!

The End.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

One Hundred and updates...

Here are some updates to my 101 in 1001 updates... riiiight.
To view my updated 101 in 1001, click here.

I have completed 15 more. FIFTEEN MORE. Not because I have been working hard towards my goals, but because I haven't blogged in almost 2 months. I think I'm on a good track, though. 45/101. That's almost 45%. This isn't bad!
OK here we go!

3. Go to a(nother) awesome concert- We saw The Protomen for our anniversary. NOT ONLY did they do an entire night of Queen cover songs, but JACK BLACK came out at the end and finished the set with Bohemian Rhapsody. It was fridiculous.

 OH, also, I have invented another word. Fridiculous, or fridic for short. It means friggin ridiculous. You're welcome, world.

13. Stabilize our fence.  I'm counting that I have done this because I shoved crap in the holes and it doesn't move anymore. Eventually we will cement that crap.

17. Learn how to use my crock pot I have made grits, taco soup, rice, lasagna, and chicken soup in this bad boy. Goal- MET.

25. Get Ladder Shelves for LR.  Thank you, Craigslist. $120 for a set. LOVE it!

57. Get a professional massage- AHHHHHHH I am now a member of the Massage Envy monthly club. Yes. Oh heavens, yes.

63. Babysit for a friend as a gift. I forced D to help me with this. It was fun!

66. Read 12 books- OK I THINK I've read 12 books. I know I had read 4-5, then I got a Kindle for my birthday and have read all 3 Hunger Games, all 3 50 Shades, as well as Schism, several fairy tale books, and a couple others that I can't think of right now. So take that. I have prob read 20.

67. Make Gourmet doggie biscuits for my puppy friends. I learned how to make my own sweet potato treats! Tini, Carmen, Maya, Libby, Abbey, Turbo, and Genna all liked them. Success!

81. Ask about/possibly invest in contacts.  I asked. I don't think they're for me. Maybe one day.

82. Go to the dentist.  From what I hear, it's not good to skip 4 years of dentist visits. Could be related to my 6 cavities...

85. Pearl Necklace- Thanks to the hubs, I have that covered! He got me a beautiful new strand of pearls for my birthday this year.

86. Have a "top Tier" wedding cake made by Jay at Maple's for an anniversary.  Well, Jay no longer runs Maple's, so this is difficult. HOWEVER, Nashville Sweets is pretty rockin and made our anniversary cake this year.

GIANT WHEEL OF YELLOW CHEESE with GB emblem on the top. Danielle, I love you. Let's get married. You make the cake.

90. Go our for a "girls night"  Yeah, I think every single Saturday counts for this. Pool day. Best day of my week. Also, D was out of town in June, so I went on dates with Robyn & Jeannie. Super fun times!

94. McBaby- this has been discussed. A time frame has been proposed. Mostly by everyone else imposing their baby wishes upon my uterus, but it has been discussed.
Stop asking me when we're having kids. We'll do it when we want to. Unless you want to raise it, stop rushing us.

97. Buy an issue of the contributer for $20 instead of $1.  I have bought 2-3 for $5, and 1-2 for $10. Then others for $2-3 each. I am going to count that. I wouldn't want to give one specific person the $20 because i wouldn't want them to recognize my car and think it's going to happen again. hahaha

99. Swim in water I can't see through- YEAH! Lake DAY! Complete. Get mildly intoxicated while floating on a noodle--- not a goal, but also completed. hahaha

I'll update it with pictures and stuff later, but for now- that's it. My carpal tunnel is making my hands cramp and claw.

YAY for goal setting!

101... seriously

OK so I have done a bunch of new things on my 101 in 1001 blog... and have realized several of them are completely unlikely to happen, therefore I will be changing them to more likely scenarios.
For instance, I will not be going overseas most likely by 9/28/13. Let's just be real here. I'm probably not going to get back on a PLANE before then unless we come across $2000 that we just *forgot* or *misplaced* So let's be a little less lofty with our goals.

My Current 101 in 1001 will be in black (completed things struck through, linked, & in red), and changes or comments will be in a funner color. You'll See! Also, if my ice cream I just scooped out lasts long enough, I might even update on the updates! WAHOO!


1. Visit the beach (I have done this, but it didn't count bc I didn't get to play!)
2. Attend a Georgia Bulldogs game (preferrably in GA) ---GA vs. Vanderbilt this year. WE are GOING 
3. Go to a(nother) Joshua Radin Concert Changing to: Go to a(nother) AWESOME concert --CHECK
4. Pay off the Truck Sweet baby hayzeus this is taking forever
5. Use a free night (or two) on my Marriott Rewards card
6. Get term life insurance for D & me
7. Change my name on my passport (I should probably pre-post a "FIND my passport" one...) Yeaahh... about that
8. Travel somewhere and actually get my passport STAMPED I don't see this happening. New goal: travel across multiple states 
10. Attend a Packers game at Lambeau Field 
11. Finish painting our bathroom
13. Stabilize our fence 
15. Save up an "emergency fund" 
16. Participate in the 21-Day Vegan Kickstart
17. Learn how to use my Crock Pot (I will measure this by completing 5 meals in said Crock Pot) 
20. TAILGATE  (Like a pro)
21. Travel across an ocean Not happening. Changing this to  GO to DISNEYWORLD
23. Re-cover our dirty storage ottomans 
24. Get a storage bench for the LR (against the naked wall!)  New decoration plans. No bench. Changing this to Get occasional chairs for naked wall
25. Make butt pillows for said storage bench (I'm thinking leopard or giraffe print...) N/A change to Get Ladder Shelves for LR
27. Attend a Braves game in ATL
28. Re-landscape the front of our house
29. Plant *(& GROW) grass in our yard
30. Figure out if Carmen IS deaf and how bad it is
31. Get down to the weight I was at in 11th grade Obviously I'm working hard on this while eating ice cream
34. Eat ABSOLUTELY NO Gluten for one month This is harder than it sounds like it would be... 
36. Host a dinner party
37. Blog 2x per week for 3 months
39. Go to NYC 
40. Buy and wear an outfit that is not my normal cup of tea
43. Go to Washington DC
44. Visit a winery outside of TN
46. Retip some of my favorite shoes I'll just throw them out. Changing this to Throw out old/worn out/wrong fitting shoes
48. Make our driveway 3 feet wider 
49. Get a hot tub 
50. Build a pergola over said hot tub and back porch Dropping this. We may never see that stupid hot tub. Changing to Make Backyard a more entertainment-friendly space
52. Put furniture on our front porch
53. Have friends over to play cards
57. Get a professional massage (again) YES! DONE! WHAAT
58. Quit biting my nails/fingers I will have to start wearing gloves 100% of the time
59. Go to the chiropractor
60. Visit NOLA I am working SO HARD on this. There's a conference in September in NOLA that I want to attend
62. Co-build a bed for said mattress and box springs Unnecessary. We have a box spring and frame. Changing this to something funner.
63. Babysit for a friend as a gift
64. Do yoga for a month straight
65. Make 10 things out of one of my cookbooks
66. Read 12 books
67. Make "gourmet" doggie biscuits for all my dog friends DONE
70. Make a curtain/something to cover the window in our back door Does hanging a sheet over it count? 
72. Put crown molding in our bathroom and/or bedroom 
73. Find 3 add'l pictures to put in my big frame in the LR to complete my seasons idea Almost there!! 
74. Participate in "10 Days of Love" either for Vday or our anniversary... I haven't decided yet I still haven't even googled this. So I'm dropping it. Instead, I will make an awesome present for my husband
75. Buy new bedside tables HA! 
77. Put shelving on a wall in one of the BRs
78. Take a (good/sober) picture of Donnie & Myself once per month for a year So far, no. Maybe I should make this "6 months out of a year"
80. Buy bright colored shoes
81. Ask about/possibly invest in contacts 
82. Go to the dentist
83. Repaint our bedroom
84. Go to a Notre Dame game Too many football ideas on here. I'm changing this to Attend a college volleyball game
85. Obtain a pearl necklace to match my beautiful studs that I got for a wedding present 
86. Have a "top tier" of a wedding-ish cake made by Jay at Maples Wedding Cakes for an anniversary dinner
87. Buy something awesome at a yard sale
88. Tip a server 100% of the meal or more
89. Read the whole new testament (I've seen where some of my blogger friends want to read the whole thing... I think I'm going to skip the begats and begots this go-round)
90. Go out for a "girls night"
91. Host a game night
92. Re-decorate my blog (1/2/11)
94. Talk seriously about making a McBaby...
96. Make a wreath
97. Buy an issue of The Contributor for $20 (instead of $1)
98. Go camping for more than one night - and possibly even enjoy myself?
99. Swim in water I can't see through (ocean, lake, whichever)
100. Go to Cedar Pointe While I still would like to do this, I don't really care that much. Let's change this to something funner, too. Ill think it up later. 
101. Get a new tattoo

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

2 more days

So I have only 2 more days to get up and go to work before I have a FULL WEEK OFF.

2 more days and I can enjoy this for hours:

This means I have only 2 more days to get up super early, get to work early, stay late, work late from home, catch up everthing, write a giant email about every single stinkin client who MIGHT flip their lid while I'm gone (eh... 30 out of the 40, probably), before I have a FULL WEEK OFF.

And by full week off, I mean hopefully I will not have to step foot in that building next week.
But you never know.

I love my job, and yesterday was the best day of my working year, but today evened it out for me!

To be honest, the majority of the issue is that I have been too busy doing far too many things for one person, and my paperwork has suffered.
As in, I keep thinking "I'll put that away later" and I'm looking at papers from March that have been saved for me to put away later.
I'm hoping to get everything put away by Friday, and then maybe while I'm off next week I can write the remainder of my notes that I'm behind on (I'm only 3 weeks behind now, huzzah!), and I'll come back to a week of 5 work days, 17 visits, and not as much paperwork to catch up.

I just have to get caught up so I can stay that way. Just 20 hours of crazy hard work, and I can be there I can do it!
I will keep telling myself this.

THEN while I'm off next week, I will blog about all the things I've done on my list so far!! I have seriously crossed some things off! (And I'm going to change some, because I've realized how unrealistic some of them are...)

PS Last Monday, my parents' dog Libby passed away. Here's a picture of her looking kinda slender...

She was the smartest dog ever. And I hope that if there is a doggy heaven she is kicking some butt at chasing balls, chasing cows, and chasing humans.

OK so next post- uplifting! Go!

I can say I'm less bitter today than I have been... but that may be due to a mixture of frustration/panic, wine, and chex mix muddy buddy stuff.

Who knows.
PS My sunflowers are EXPLODING!!! Every time I look at them, I think of both my friend Sue, and Ms. Newman from my Middle School. I'll never forget Ms. Newman's story about leaving a concentration camp and passing a beautiful field of sunflowers. Like God planted something beautiful for everyone to see after leaving a place of such sorrow.

OK that is it for the incredibly positive, uplifting, loving and exciting post for today!

Next one.

I swurr!
♥ EM

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Bitter, Party of 1

It's back.

The thing that creeps up on me like a cancer. I have no idea it's happening for a long while, and then BAM! I'm diagnosed with Stage 4 Bitterness.  Also like an illness, I now can see all of the warning signs I should have seen all along. The grumpy mood here, (extra) snarky statement there, increasing hostility toward certain people for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.

I have actually described certain people as being "in the line of fire" and said to myself (and a couple of others) that "I don't know what it is, I just am really irritated with him/her." But instead of taking care of the problem, I just brushed it off-- I'll deal with it later.


The bitterness refuses to stay inside me and enters the world like involuntary word vomit. I am working on it, though! Now that I have given a name to the little weird feeling I've had for a while, I can properly deal with it.
No worries!

Until I get it all worked out, I'll just spend a lot of time silent. 

I hate that rule of "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Who made that up?

On a brighter note--- we leave for Disney in 114 days or so!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSS
(Oh, I never updated you on Vacation Search 2012? Oopsie. I just did.)
I have to get rid of this bitter cancer before we go there, or I doubt they'll let me in!!!

(I don't even care that they're just crazy people in costumes. I am SO EXCITED)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Vacation Ideas

Obviously, I am killing it with the blog updates.
I feel like the majority of my updates start with be talking about how much I suck at remembering to blog. Oh well.
I would say I've been busy, which is kinda true, but mostly I just haven't had ANY desire to be near a computer after leaving the office.

Here's the current reason I'm crazy:


"But Emily, Vacation is fun and relaxing and blah blah blah." YEAH once you get there!  If we haven't met, I'll let you know a little about me. I'm a spaz. I cannot make a decision without changing my mind 20 times and then usually coming back to the original choice.

Here is the train of thought for vacation ideas I have had in the last 24 hours(Many have been researched already. I have an illness):
- Beach. Any BEACH. I don't care- just want sun and sand and water
- Orange Beach
- Savannah/Tygee Island
- Myrtle Beach
- Tour de Six Flags (I'm thinking Chicago, St. Louis, Atlanta, then home)
- Mountains (This one got thrown out quickly)
- SAVE SAVE up and go to Jamaica
-or Belize
-or Antigua
-OR Cozumel
- Use ANY groupon deal that includes water and umbrellas in drinks


- Disney in June
- Disney in Aug/Sept.
I can't sleep.

So, actually, that is just yesterday from about noon until Midnight. Then I finally fell asleep somehow.

Do you see how vacation is making me crazy?
D & I just submitted requests to take the week of our anniversary off to do something. Originally it was going to be low-key, let's go to the beach. And this is what it has evolved to.

Here's what I'm thinking now:
Use that week off anyway(for me... he can work half of it if he wants), and do something fun 1-2 of the days --Maybe go to 6 Flags or rent a boat and play at the lake for 2 days or go white water rafting and hiking--  and then SAVE our MONEY and go to Disney in September when it is cheaper and less kids are around. Not that I don't like kids... I just don't like them when they're in front of me for a ride. Or in front of me for a picture with Cinderella/Belle/Snow White/Nemo.

So, if someone would like to take over the vacation planning for me, that would be lovely.
Also, if anyone would like to contribute to the "Send Emily to Disney World" charity, I'm working on getting it registered as a 501(c)3.

I might be kidding about that last part.

I said Might.

 ♥ EM 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Wednesday night fun times!

On Wednesdays, D bowls in a league... this means I'm home alone and free to play as I please!

Tonight's project: Transfer images on to stretched canvas.

I'm cheap. Since this was the first try, I wanted to go as cheap as possible, so I printed out 2 pictures of our kiddos at an undisclosed location (that's right, SECRETS!) and got the smallest canvases I could find. Because they're cheapest. Yep.

Step 1:  Print picture on regular printer paper. Use gel medium to adhere picture (I flipped the picture around before printing it, as they transfer backwards) to canvas. Cover canvas in one good flat coat of this stuff.  I was told (by Pinterest) to get medium gloss gel medium or something, but I ended up with this stuff and it apparently worked just fine!
Glue the pics on to the Canvas with ^^ That stuff... looks like this... 

Step 2: Smooth out lines on paper with something flat... credit card, ruler, or... you know, cardboard from the new glitter you just bought... :)

Step 3: WAIT forEVER for it to DRY.  (And by forever, I mean about 3-4 hours)
Step 4: Douse the paper with water from a squirt bottle til it soaks through... pull/ball/roll off the paper slowly.

 Rub gently and the paper will start to rub off.

I rubbed the edges of each picture to make them look all jagged, too. So that's neat. :)  ALSO, Carmen is too dark. I kept re-wetting and re-rubbing to get all the paper off of her picture so that I could see her & accidentally rubbed off some of the picture. Oh well. That adds to the novelty, right? 

Carmen's finished picture... note the white spots where I rubbed the picture off. Haha oops. 

Tini's completed picture... 
Step 5: When the canvas is pretty much dry, swipe with a medium-thick layer of the gloss/gel medium stuff again to set it. This way- you won't continue to wipe off the picture! YAY!

I am so excited to know how to do this! You better believe that I will be doing this with every dang picture from NOW ON.

Oh- relatives, loved ones, etc... you're welcome. You're welcome for your awesome pictures you'll be getting done like this for the rest of your lives!

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Buying a house is dangerous business, I tell ya.
Here's why I say this: when we were house shopping, I had a tendency to see one thing I loved and notice nothing else. In the house we ended up purchasing, that one thing was our bath tub. It's a giant jacuzzi/garden/whatever you want to call it- tub. Jets and all. I saw it, jumped in in my clothes and shoes, and sat down while proclaiming, "I'LL TAKE IT!" And we did. 
  The following things were items that may have slipped by me: 
     - No fireplace
     - No entry closet/LR storage
     - No water pressure in the master bathroom shower
     - TINY CLOSET to SHARE *(it looks like a "Walk-in" until stuff is in it, then it's a "Stand-in-&-don't-turn-around-too-quick-or-you'll-knock-over-my-shoerack" And our condo had 2 closets in the master- one normal for him, and one that slightly resembled a baby-sized bedroom for me. SO SPACIOUS. I lust while thinking of how badly I miss that closet) 
     - Tiny Pantry
     - Ugly gold fixtures EVERYWHERE 

Now, I don't want you to think I hate this house, as that list IS somewhat extensive, but I can say--- I may already be making a list of features that we MUST have in our next house. In 5 years. When we have a kid or two and have severely outgrown this 1222 square foot lovenest.  

All that being said, I have solved some of the problem today. We have no coat storage since we have no entryway/LR closet. 

ENTER $5 SHUTTER (and a bunch of hooks) 
One day, once this room is painted, the shutter will be much more noticeable

 Most people who know D & I well know that we both have an affinity for any clothing article that comes equipped with a hood and pouch. Maybe we love the way hoodies accent our svelte figures, maybe we really enjoy repping our teams/sports/etc, or maybe we just really like being able to throw something on that is comfy and alleviates our need to suck-in because of the adorable potato sack shape. Who knows?  Either way, we have an extensive collection of all things hoodie. There's really no convenient way to store these wardrobe monstrosities, either. I mean, EACH ONE takes up an entire drawer if you fold them.  Also, I needed a place to store scarves so I could find them, since "under the bed or on top of the table" has become my most frequently played game, but it has never been my favorite.  

So here's how it worked. 

Step 1. Buy a shutter from Habitat for Humanity for $5. Yep. $5. That is a STEAL. LOVE it! 

Step 2.  Figure out where to hang it and put screws/anchors in wall. I write all over everything when hanging stuff- thankfully, all my notes end up under whatever gets hung. 

Step 3. Attach hanger thingies. Yes. That's the technical term.  I began to do this myself, but he just wanted to help, so I let him... ♥ 
This makes me think of whenever there's a children's activity described on TV and they say, "Ask a grown up to help!"

Step 4. Attach hooks for hanging scarves, jackets, etc.  

Step 5. Take oldest child to Target for the 2nd time today to get more hooks. Realize they no longer make the same chrome hooks as you have already put on the stupid shutter.  Concede to using brushed nickel and dare anyone to say somethin! 

This dog is ferocious. You've been warned. 
Step 6.  Hang the dang thing & finish putting hookers on!

Have a grown up help with this part, too, Kids! 

Step 7. Decorate accordingly.  BAM! 
YAY! Now they can all cuddle and keep each other warm until I need them!

That's all I have for now.

Well, that and